Capturing Life and Chasing Zen

breathing space

Yes, it's been awhile since I've been here. The holidays have come & gone. Life's busyness has taken over. And I am learning to just accept and let go. This is real life. I will do what I can to capture our lives on film and in words. I will be present and continue to work on being more present. Always a work in progress. 

Taking a long, deep breath. 

 

 

uugh

I edited pics and wrote a post yesterday about school starting and it is gone. The computer locked up while I was finishing up.

I will start again.

And breathe. :) 

bedroom retreat

More images from the bedroom retreat. 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

home project

So, lately...

I am still hanging on to the end of the kite.

I sometimes feel like our lives are like kites. Steady, sometimes. All over the place, sometimes. And you can try to make the kite go where you want. But there are times that the wind does its own thing and you just have to hold on. Ya know?

This Summer, I took on a home project. I decided to redo the spare bedroom and make it my very own getaway. A place where I can go to journal, blog, read, edit pictures in bed, pray, rest, watch the sunset, etc. It has taken up a good bit of my "extra" time since I work full-time and on the weekends, there is always the usual laundry, cleaning, etc. But I am excited to say that the room is coming along nicely. I needed a retreat. And this room has fit the bill. :)

I painted the room a light turquoise. I love the color!

 

I'll share more pics of the color later. I have some on my phone and need to sync them to the computer.

After the room was dry, the girls and I took a self portrait with the dogs. I loved how the light was coming through the windows and wanted a black & white. The dogs were not very cooperative, but this is what we got. :)

 
 

I'm sure you're wondering about the closet. One of the doors broke when the kids were using this room as a playroom and were rough with the door. Thank God it didn't break while anyone was in the room! Anyway, the door is staying, but will be covered. Going to hang a curtain rod from above the closet and have white panels of fabric hanging down so you can't see the closet door or into the closet. My Mom is making the panels for me. I will show some pics after they are up. The glass panel on the door is being reglued so I don't have to worry about it coming down like the other one did.

I am really excited that the room is finally starting to come together.  It's taking much longer than I'd hoped, but slow & steady wins the race, right? That's how life works. You make plans and life happens. :) 

So, that's where I've been spending most of my "extra" time. 

 

still here

Hello. I'm still around.

These past few weeks have been filled with so much "life" and busyness. And also, some sadness. I haven't felt like writing. I haven't felt like doing much except having more quiet time in my life...more time for reflection. I've been getting off of work, dropping my purse & keys inside and going outside to sit and think. And pray.

In the last 2 months:

*We have had 2 deaths in the family.

*My husband & I had to go to court to fight something. We won, thankfully. But...this took a HUGE toll on us.

*Work has been even more stressful than normal due to many reasons. Too many to name.

*The girls have had many school activities & weekend activities for all of us to attend and that has kept us extremely busy.

*I took pictures at a wedding and I have been a nervous wreck trying to get them edited.

*The Mississippi River has been causing us quite a bit of stress, worrying about flooding.

These are only a few things, but there's more.

It just seems, lately, that life has been quite overwhelming. Having a ZEN attitude about life...being in the present moment and accepting what is happening has been very challenging. I've been trying to just sit with the emotions and worry and not run from them. It's definitely not been an easy road. Some days, I would come home and drink a couple of glasses of wine so that I could relax and my mind would stop worrying. I couldn't get anywhere with meditation.

Anyway, just wanted to say...I'm back. Just been laying low & taking each day as it comes. Thanks to all of you who stuck around. :)

 

the weekend

The weekend was lovely. Beautiful weather. So many things we could have done. I thought about taking the kids to the park. I thought about taking them to the bookstore. We didn't do either of those things.

On the way home Friday, I stopped on the side of the road and took some pictures. Of buttercups. And weeds. And later that evening, pictures of my girls, the sunset, my backyard swing, the horses in the pasture behind our house. I took all of these pictures with my phone. And it filled me right up. :) 

Friday night, we went to the home of some dear friends to celebrate. The celebration was for Cy's best friend, Lora. The reason? It was the anniversary of the day her adoption was finalized. Lora Day. What a great reason to celebrate! We were so honored to be invited.

Saturday, Cy sang in the Choir at the local Arts Awareness Festival.  We went to Walmart. We came home and there was plenty of laundry, etc. to tend to.

Sunday, glorious Sunday. I started the day sitting on my front steps with coffee in hand and my journal. I love the mornings like that when I can have some quiet time to write, think, pray, read and listen to the birds. Yes, the birds.

Later that day, I was in one of the bedrooms with the window open. I heard something outside and looked toward the azalea bush right by the window. There were two blue jays. I watched them for some time and loved every minute of it.

The best part about Sunday was that me & my Cy girlie went outside and sat at our backyard table in the sun and painted our toes the colors of Easter eggs. :)

We didn't do lots of things or go many places. I didn't get everything checked off of my TO DO list. But there was ZEN. There was present moment living and I was happy.

 

ten things

/Ten things on Thursday/

*I really talked to my kids this weekend about how helpful it would be if they would pitch in and do a little more around here. I was worried about the responses, but they were really great and agreed to pitch in more. They helped me this weekend and we got to watch movies together while the house was picked up & clean. Love that!

*I am currently on a break from my low carb diet. I really needed that. I missed bread. 

*Noticing how worked up I get at work. I just want to do everything perfectly and I realize now that I just can't. I have to breathe, do what I can and give myself (and everyone around me) a break. 

*Looking at recent prom pictures of my friends' kids makes me want to savor every minute with mine even more. Their proms will be here before I know it. 

*I love my backyard swing.

*There is a bird nest under my carport and the doves returned this year. Momma dove is sitting there every morning when I leave for work and every evening when I come home. Poppa dove sits close by on a ledge. Looking forward to seeing their babies. 

*Lots of anxiety, lately. Can't write about the reasons here. Just keep telling myself that all shall be well, praying and breathing. Long deep breaths.  

*I went to see some of Devin's artwork yesterday on my lunch hour at the local schoolboard office. There was an amazing array of beauty hanging on the walls. I am amazed every year at the talent in this parish. Inspired me even more to do more with light + photography. 

*Taking my youngest to a Becoming a Woman class tonight. My baby. I can't believe it is really that time, already. 

*I took pictures at a wedding on Saturday. Me. Can you believe it? 

 

procrastinating

I'm procrastinating.  

It's one of my gifts. 

I should be putting on makeup (or spackling), plucking & tweezing, perfuming & clearing off my hard-drive.

I should be decluttering, meditating, praying, writing in my girls' journals, whitening my teeth & steam-cleaning the carpet. 

I should be trotting down to Home Depot and buying a new toilet handle since ours broke this morning.

Yep. That's alot of shoulds.

But instead, I am playing with my pictures and I feel guilty about all of the things calling for my attention. But I surely love photography & photoshop and I am addicted. Seriously addicted. 

 

 

of interest

Thinking about getting a Pinterest account. That just what I need...more ways to use my precious time that cause me to procrastinate about laundry, homemaking, meditation, etc.

Love this granny square sweater . I think it's precious.

Enjoyed this post about control. Yes, I have issues. Maybe I need to get the book.

Loving this post about ZEN. Oh, and this one, too.

At the moment... I am procrastinating, pondering, worrying, journaling quite a bit and trying to have/find some quiet moments for some deep thinking.

And you? How are you doing?

Happy Tuesday, all.  

meditating

Meditation.

I have always been fascinated by the thought of meditation. I often saw images of people meditating and thought that the images looked like the people meditating were calm and serene. I wanted that...to feel calm & serene.

I resisted meditation for some time, thinking I had to be some expert and do all kinds of research first to find the RIGHT way, the BEST way. That's how I am. I think too much. Which is why I thought I needed meditation in the first place. But there is so much to read about meditation and I realized that it was silly to do all of this research and that I should just DO IT!

Now, this is so not like me. I'm not the JUST DO IT kind of person. I am the kind of person who likes to analyze and research everything first. I am not a DIVE IN kind of person. I am a STICK YOUR BIG TOE IN THE WATER AND CHECK THE TEMPERATURE FIRST kind of person.

But I realized I was being silly. It's just meditation. How hard can it be? Right?

Well, the joke has been on me.

I tried it a few times and had difficulty not falling asleep. That was my first issue.

I got past the falling asleep thing. I was awake but  I had my eyes closed and was really feeling peaceful and then...

*My neighbor across the street starts revving up his truck. Is that how you spell revving? Not sure, but anyway...

*My neighbor leaves and I get back into my meditation groove

*My dog, Spike notices that I am not in bed and goes looking for me. He find me and plops himself in my lap. Then he wants to get under the blanket I have covering my legs.

*Meditation groove again. Breathing.

*My dog, LuLu plops herself in my lap and pushes her way under the blanket

*Meditation groove

*My neighbor next door lets his dog out & she starts barking

*Meditation. I just focus on breathing.

*My neighbor across the street is back. He forgot something. Loud truck action again.

*Breath, breathe, breathe.

*A few minutes pass & I finally feel like I am relaxed and calm.

AND THEN...

I hear the mating cries of 2 cats right outside my window. Seriously! It goes on & on and I finally give up  and just start laughing.

I will try again. :)